Friday, May 4, 2012

I Just Don't Give a Shit

Now that my time in Martinique is starting to come to an end, I've been analyzing how this experience has changed me.  Of course I've changed.  But one thing that I have noticed is that Martinique has changed the way I view myself.

I have taken more time getting ready in the past two days than I did probably all of last month.  Yes, that's probably because now I have all the free time in the world.  And it feels nice to actually blow dry my hair and wear jewelry for the first time in weeks (or months?)... but at the same time it's just so weird.

At home, I used to always make an effort to look nice.  I would try on several outfits, always blow dry my hair, wear makeup, jewelry and scarves to accessorize.  I showered daily, and even if I was going to work, I tried my best to look halfway decent.  When I first got to Martinique, I even showered and put on makeup to go to the beach.  Really??

Now?  I just really don't care.  I can't be bothered to blow dry my hair, I only wear makeup if I'm going out, and I wear outfits that I wouldn't even be caught dead in at home (no, not even to go to Walmart).

To be honest, it's kind of liberating.  I feel comfortable with myself, even if I look like shit.  I rarely feel self-conscious.  And when I do make the effort to look nice, well, then I feel really beautiful... even while I'm sweating my butt off and the heat is wiping off all my makeup.

It will be interesting how I will be when I return stateside.  The culture is different there, and there's more emphasis on appearances.  I just hope that I can retain what Martinique has changed within me, even if I do go back to wearing makeup every day.